This Is My Lullaby
by way2you
Summary: "I have been where you are at. It gets better. I promise. Just hold on for me James. Please hold on." Katie knew what he was going through because she had gone through it herself. Can she help him? What can she do to help him before it is too late?


I love this song so I wanted to do a song-fic.

*I do not own BTR or the song.

Lullaby-Nickelback

Lullaby.

I am the little sister of Kendall Knight. My name is Katie Knight. I had to up-rout my life from Minnesota and move to LA so that my brother and his three best friends could start their music career. I was so happy for him and the guys but sometimes it really got the best of me. I was pushed to the back burner all the time. It seemed like my mom was just all about Kendall and Big Time Rush. I felt like the world revolved around them and no one really cared about Katie Knight. Some nights I was left to fend for myself. My mother was either out doing her own thing or she was doing something with the guys. I remember thinking "What would it be like if I wasnt here? Would they miss me? Would it be better for me?" Then I realized that it was not like that. I was loved. The guys loved me. Kendall adored me. My mom loved Kendall and I the same. It was just that his life at the time required a little more of her attention. As I got older I realized that but it didn't change the fact that at times I was ready to end it all. I hated my life. I didn't have friends, I was alone 99% of the time. I was better now though and I loved my life.

Well, I know the feeling  
Of finding yourself stuck out on the ledge  
And there ain't no healing  
From cutting yourself with the jagged edge  
I'm telling you that, it's never that bad  
Take it from someone who's been where you're at  
Laid out on the floor  
And you're not sure you can take this anymore.

I came into the apartment when I heard sniffling. I did not think anyone was home so I was a little worried. I walk to the bathroom where the noise was coming from. I knocked on the door, "Yeah, I'll be out in a minute." It was James. Was he crying? "OK." I said. I went to the couch and waited for him to come out of the bathroom. It seemed like forever before he came out. When he did he had red puffy eyes. I stood up, "James, are you OK? Whats wrong?" "Nothing." He answered as he walked past me to the front door and walked out without another word. That was weird. Did something happen? Suddenly the door opened again, it was James. "Katie dont mention this to the guys or anyone else. OK?" "James whats wrong?" "Nothing Katie, just promise you wont say anything." "OK" I told him and then he turned and walked back out the door.

Later that night I was laying in my bed. I was really worried about James. Out of all the guys, him and I were the closest. We talked and would hang out. Playing video games and going to the pool. Suddenly I heard the front door open and shut. James. He has not been home all night. I got up and walked out to the living room. James was sitting on the couch. "James, will you talk to me." I startled him. "Katie just go to bed. Its late." " What is wrong with you? Talk to me." I said sitting down next to him. I put my arm around his shoulder. "James, I'm here for you. Are you in some kind of trouble?" He sat there for a few minutes then he started crying, "Katie I can't take it anymore. The life, the image, the critics. I'm tired of it. It's too stressful. It's too much. I hate it. I want it all to end. I'm depressed all the time. I put this fake smile on my face and its becoming harder and harder to do. I don't want to do this anymore." He put his face in his hands and started to sob. I was rubbing his back. "Oh James, I know how you feel. Thinking that life would be so much more simpler if you just ended it all. I know because I have been there before. The depression, all of it. It gets better I promise. It will all be OK." He didn't say anything else. He just continued to cry harder.

So just give it one more try to a lullaby  
And turn this up on the radio  
If you can hear me now  
I'm reaching out  
To let you know that you're not alone  
And if you can't tell, I'm scared as hell  
'Cause I can't get you on the telephone  
So just close your eyes  
Oh, honey here comes a lullaby  
Your very own lullaby

I woke the next day On the couch. James was not with me. When I had fallen asleep he was at my feet sleeping. I went to his room and I couldn't find him. Maybe he went out for a walk or maybe the guys had to go to the studio early. Then I saw Carlos was in his bed so he wouldn't be at the studio. I was really worried about him.

After everyone was awake Kendall was running around frantically looking for this and looking for that. "Carlos, Logan let's go. We have to be at the studio in 10 minutes. Dont want to hear Gustavos mouth cause we are late. Come on." Kendall screamed through the apartment standing at the door. "Where is James?" I asked hoping maybe he had talked to him. "His ass better be at the studio when we get there." He said. I Hope so I thought to myself.

Later that day Logan, Kendall and Carlos walk through the door. I was sitting in my room but I could hear them. "Where the hell is he? God. Is he serious? This isn't the time for him to just run off and have a fun day with a random girl." Said Carlos. Oh God James didn't go to the studio. Where the hell is he? I got up, grabbed my phone and ran out to the living room. "James wasnt at the studio?" I asked making my way to the door. "No. He wasnt and now..." I didn't hear the rest of what Logan had to say because I was already half way down the hall. I called James phone, no answer. I tried again, no answer. I will keep calling until he answers.

Please let me take you  
Out of the darkness and into the light  
'Cause I have faith in you  
That you're gonna make it through another night  
Stop thinking about the easy way out  
There's no need to go and blow the candle out  
Because you're not done  
You're far too young

And the best is yet to come

I searched everywhere. Where the hell is this boy? "James what the hell are you doing?" I said to myself entering the elevator. The I remembered he said that he liked to go to the roof and write music. Maybe he was there. I made my way to the top floor and then walked to the stairs that led to the roof. I opened the door and James was standing close to the edge, he was crying. "James!" I said as I ran to him. I put my arms around him. I moved him away from the edge. He started to cry harder. He didn't hug me back. "James, talk to me." "Katie, I'm done. This is it. I'm done. I can't live like this anymore." He pushed away from me. He made his way to the edge again. This was a 20 story building, if he jumps that's it, he will die. He looked back at me. "Im sorry Katie."

So just give it one more try to a lullaby  
And turn this up on the radio  
If you can hear me now  
I'm reaching out  
To let you know that you're not alone  
And if you can't tell, I'm scared as hell  
'Cause I can't get you on the telephone  
So just close your eyes  
Oh, honey here comes a lullaby  
Your very own lullaby

"JAMES NO!" He paused but didn't turn to look at me. I fell to my knees, crying uncontrollably. "Please James don't do this to me. Please' I need you. YOUR MY BEST FRIEND. DONT DO THIS. PLEASE!" I put my hands on the cement under me. "If you don't want this life anymore I will move back to Minnesota with you. I will pack up everything and leave with you. Please James. Youre not in this alone."

Well, everybody's hit the bottom  
Everybody's been forgotten  
When everybody's tired of being alone  
Yeah, everybody's been abandoned  
And left a little empty-handed  
So if you're out there barely hanging on...

"I know you think this is the only way out. You think this is the only option you have. Your wrong. You have a long life ahead of you. You have so much life left to live. James, you will be leaving people who love you more than anything. Kendall, Carlos, Logan, My mom, your parents..." the last part came out as more of a whisper "...and me." He turned around to face me. I was still on my knees. "Everyone goes through something like this James. You can't let this get the best of you. You can't let it win. You can't take the easy way out. Fight James, fucking fight it..." I looked into his eyes. "...if not for yourself than for me. Please I need you. I love you. James I love you."

Just give it one more try to a lullaby  
And turn this up on the radio  
If you can hear me now  
I'm reaching out  
To let you know that you're not alone  
And if you can't tell, I'm scared as hell  
'Cause I can't get you on the telephone  
So just close your eyes  
Oh, honey here comes a lullaby  
Your very own lullaby  
Oh, honey here comes a lullaby  
Your very own lullaby

James stepped down off of the ledge and walked over to me. He helped me off of the concrete. He grabbed me into a huge hug. "You would really do that for me? Move back to Minnesota?"

"Yes James I told you that you are not alone. I'm your friend and if you need a friend and someone standing beside you through all of this then count me in." "Thank you Katie. Had you been three minutes later it would have been too late." Hearing that made me cry even harder than I already was. "And Katie..." He pulled away from me to look into my eyes "...I love you too. Thank you for being the greatest friend." I hugged him and rested my head on his chest hearing his heart beat. Thank you God. His heart beating was like music to my ears. Without moving I asked "So when are we going back to Minnesota?" "Soon, very soon."


End file.
